-Koth Drogentote, 7:20 P.M.-
Scout: Move Cyclops, move!
Demoman: I'm trying lad!
Scout: Come on, come on, almost - augh!
[Scout gets thrown sideways by a rocket; Demoman keeps going]
[Scout is now lying on the ground, he attempts to get to his knees but collapses.]
[A trio of rockets arc down towards Scout, accompanied by a whistling noise]
[Scout turns toward the rockets]
Scout: "Whoah! What the f-"
[The Rockets explode, Scout is flung yelling and flailing towards the window]
[Scout smashes face-first into a pane of glass, breaking it and startling Archimedes.]
Scout: Medic, I don't care... which One, But preferably the Girl... maybe. [Collapses onto the Ground]
Heavy: Oh-hoh-ho no more!" [Heavy laughs loudly while the Medic explains simultaneously:]
Medic: Wait, wait, wait, it gets better.
Medic: "When the patient woke up, his skeleton was missing, and the doctor was never heard from again!" [Laughs madly]
[Heavy pauses momentarily, and laughs again, banging his palm on a tray of surgical tools next to him]
Medic: Anyway, that's how I lost my medical license, heh. [Heavy suddenly looks very concerned]
Dr. Mario: Wait, You lost Your Medical License?!
Medic: No! that's... Uh, I said "That's how HE lost his Medical License!"
Eirin: Well I hope so!
[Archimedes pops up from inside Heavy's gut, surprising both The Doctors and Their Patient]
Medic: "Archimedes! No!" [Shoos Archimedes away] "It's filthy in there! Eugh."
[Heavy looks at Medic in mild surprise. Medic does not notice]
Medic: "Birds." [Medic chuckles]
[A mechanical heart device rests on a tray. The word "Über" can be seen on a small charge meter]
[Medic picks it up, preparing for The Next Procedure]
Medic: Now, most hearts couldn't withstand this voltage, [Medic plugs the device into Heavy's heart and brings it into the Medi Gun's beam] ...but I'm fairly certain your heart...
[Heavy's heart explodes]
[Archimedes gets knocked off his perch by a piece of the Heavy's heart, Mario and Eirin are startled by the sudden noise, wandering where it come from]
Heavy: What was noise?
Dr. Mario: Yeah, what was that noise?
[Medic quickly recovers from his surprise, casually removing the remains of Heavy's heart from the Über device]
Medic: The sound of progress, my friends! anyway, Mario, could You please get the Mega Baboon Heart from the Refrigerator?
Dr. Mario: Sure!
Eirin: Wait, Mega BABOON Heart?
Medic: Eirin, don't be silly, It isn't an actual Baboon Heart, I just like to give My spare Hearts some Names. Depending on the Size and shape of it!
[Mario then opens the refrigerator containing several hearts, a Sandvich, and a few beers. One exceptionally large heart is labeled "Mega Baboon"]
Dr. Mario: Ah, There it is!
[Mario then picks up the Heart]
BLU Spy Head: Kill Me.
Dr. Mario: AAAAAHH!
[Mario is startled by the BLU spy's Head, and quickly slams the door]
Eirin: What was it?!
Dr. Mario: It was nothing. Thought I saw something for a second there.
Anyway, Here you go Medic!
Medic: Alright! Now Where was I? Ah, there we go." [Jams device into heart]
[Medic then holds the cyborg heart in front of the medi beam]
Medic: Come on, come on... [Heart starts beating, Medic starts laughing madly as the heart starts flashing unevenly.]
[Heart glows red; Heavy laughs nervously]
[Medic,stops laughing and is squinting and leaning his head away, expecting the heart to explode once again]
[Mario and Eirin embrace each other in fear, fearing the worst to happen]
[Heart stabilizes and stops glowing and gets completely ÜberCharged]
Medic: Oh, that looks good.
[Medic drops the heart into Heavy's open chest]
Medic: Very nice there.
[Heavy looks at the heart]
Heavy: Should I be awake for this?
Medic Ah heh. Well, no, heh. [Medic adjusts his glasses] "But as long as you are, could you hold your rib cage open a bit?"
[Heavy moves his hand as if to adjust his rib cage as Medic is pushing the heart inside] "I can't... seem..."
[Heavy yells out in pain as a crack is heard]
[Heavy then shows Medic a snapped off piece of His rib. Both look at it tentatively]
Medic: Oh, don't be such a baby... [Medic takes the rib from Heavy and pinches his cheek] ...ribs grow back!
[Medic tosses the rib aside and turns to Archimedes, who is sitting on top of the Medi Gun]
[Medic then whispers to the Dove and says, 'No they don't"]
Dr. Mario *In a Whispering Voice* I though they did!
Eirin: *In a Whispering Voice* I thought so to!
[Medic swings the Medi Gun over to the open Heavy and raises the power]
Medic: Mario, Eirin! Help Me out!
Dr. Mario and Eirin: Aright!
[Mario and Eirin grab the Medi Gun, Stabilizing it]
[The Medi Gun completely heals the Heavy, as if by magic, even repairing and sewing his clothes]
Heavy (impressed): [Inhales deeply] "What happens now?"
[Medic helps Heavy up] Medic: "Now?" [Chuckles] Let's go practice medicine... Mario Eirin! Get Your Gear ready!
Dr. Mario and Eirin: Right!
[The doctors then proceed to grab their Gear and rush into the Battlefield]
[After they ready themselves, a door bearing the red cross opens to reveal the Doctors and the doves swarming around Them]
[Heavy runs past Them with Sasha ready]
[The Battlefield outside Medic's office shows painful signs that the RED Team was going too lose this Battle, Engineer and Sniper were hiding behind cover trying to shoot at the oncoming BLU Solider Horde, the injured Scout still lying on the ground from when He hit the window, and the wheelchair-bound Demoman wheeling frantically towards the Doctors]
Demoman: Medic! [Demoman gets blown off his wheelchair by several rockets, landing face-first on the ground in front of the Medics]
[Mario, Medic and Eirin grimace, Medic then pushes his glasses up his nose and flips a switch on the Quick-Fix]
[A healing beam is fired at the Demoman, healing him completely. Demoman nods toward the Medic, picks up his Stickybomb Launcher, and heads back towards the battlefield]
Dr. Mario: Woah, A Healing Gun! That is amazing!
Medic: I know right? Now go take out those BLU Soliders! I'll stand and heal everyone else!
Eirin: Got it!
[Mario and Eirin rush out into the Battlefield to help defeat the BLU Horde]
[Medic then fires the Quick-Fix at Scout, fixing him up also, even restoring the Scout's missing tooth.]
[The Scout leaps to his feet]
Scout: "Yeah!" [The Scout grabs his Bat from out of the air as he gets up and runs off] Woohoohoo!
[Heavy hides behind a red truck as the Scout runs past]
[Scout runs up to a BLU Soldier and whacks him with his bat] Scout: Oh yeah!
[A Solider fires at Rocket at Mario, Mario then reflects the Rocket back at him with his Super Sheet, defeating the Solider]
[Eirin draws Her Bow with perfect accuracy and fires, piercing four soldiers at once]
[Just then, a massive horde of BLU Soldiers come running over the crest of the hill]
Heavy: Doctor! Are you sure this will work?!
Medic: Ha ha ha, I have no idea!
[Medic flips a switch, and a panel lights up as a meter labeled "Voltmeter" reaches full. The words "ÜberCharge Ready" can be seen on the panel, Medic's backpack starts humming with power]
[Medic fires the Quick-Fix at the Heavy, who pops out from his cover]
Heavy: EYAAAAAAAAAH! [Heavy's Mega Baboon Heart starts beating rapidly, Heavy starts glowing with the ÜberCharge power] HA HA!
[Medic and the ÜberCharged Heavy advance under rocket fire, and Heavy starts laughing]
[Engineer and Sniper watch bewildered as the Heavy glows with power and shrugs off volleys of rockets]
Heavy: I am bulletproof!
Eirin: Woah! what is up with Heavy?
Dr. Mario: Looks like the Medic ÜberCharged Him, And We gotta help Them out!
Eirin: Then lets go!
[Mario and Eirin rush over to Medic and Heavy, While Heavy keeps moving, mowing down BLU Solider after BLU Solider]
[Medic, Heavy, Mario and Eirin then climb atop the pile of dead Soldiers and a flock of doves fly overhead, As they just achieved Victory]
-RED Base, inside the Waiting Room, 9:00 P.M.-
[The RED Team, after the Battle had ended. are waiting outside in the Waiting Room after getting healed, While doing something to pass the Time. The Engineer is playing his guitar, Spy is looking at his ticket, Pyro is reading and flicking a lighter, Soldier is standing at attention, Demoman is drinking from his Bottle, and Sniper is sleeping]
Medic: That looks good. Very nice there. Yes!
Dr. Mario: You are all set!
Eirin: Good luck on the Next Mission!
Scout: Hey, Thanks guys!
[A 'ding' is heard as the "Now Serving" sign changes to number 2. Everyone in the Waiting Room looks toward the door]
[Scout emerges from the operating room, his chest mysteriously glowing]
Scout (gallant): Awhawhaw, man! You would not BELIEVE ... how much this hurts.
[Muffled dove coos, and Scout's chest moves]
Eirin: Uh, Medic. Quick question.
Eirin: Where is Archimedes?
Dr. Mario: Yeah, I wonder where He is. I hope we didn't seal Him inside Scout!
Medic: Nonsense! We didn't seal Him inside Scout... I hope anyway, I'm sure we will find Him!
Scout: Uh, doc. got a little problem here!
Medic: Oh no... Not again.